Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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