Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
