Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
