It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
