I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
