my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
All I want is dick and wine.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
