So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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