so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
