Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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