i jhust puked up my retainher.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
