Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
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