Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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