life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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