You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
