Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
