thus making me awesome and them whores
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
If I die, sorry about rent.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
