id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize
