it's too hot outside to masturbate.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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