Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
