U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
