Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
