Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
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