I cockslap morals
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
