if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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