I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
