There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
