they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
