I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
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