I think im going to throw up on grandma
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
