Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
