cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
