I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
