obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
