You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
