you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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