im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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