Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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