I accidentally burped into my bong.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
