I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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