i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
