I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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