Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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