I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
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