The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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