Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
mondays should just be called national damage control day
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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