Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
