so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
