ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Just invented taco cereal.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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