woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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