im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
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