i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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