Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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