Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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