Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Randomize
