he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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