Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
