Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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