I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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