Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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