You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
