I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
