i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
